The "M" word makes the world go round...

So. It would seem that i've survived my (not really) harrowing flight through a typhoon (yes really) to arrive safe and sound in Sydney. The Nile be praised! I breezed through customs, caught a cab and arrived home to see the place almost exactly as I left it. That is, it looked like a terrorist training cell had used the place to test out their next-gen luggage bombs. I wasn't surprised, but I was a little disappointed at the state of the place. I'm lucky i'm back a full 2 weeks early to sort this place out. The devastation extends as far as the eye can see, and then into nooks and crannies. Hooray!

As my Jedi-like powers have foreseen there is also still no power at my lovely new domicile. Luckily, the main feature windows of the place are facing George Street, Sydney's main strip. The back room always has a campy glow thanks to either late night Indonesian pot smoking binges or all day neon underwear hanging festivals my neighbors seem to put on a daily basis. I need to get me some blinds. Or go blind. Now when we go upstairs however is when things might get a little hairy. There are no windows in the toilet so I better hope I find my trusty LED wind up flashlight before dark. If I don't write over the next few days, its probably because I cracked my skull open and bled to death because I slipped while showering in the pseudodark. Yay! I made up a new word! The upstairs bedroom has a small window which is illuminated nicely by the ambient street glow. Combine that with floor to ceiling wardrobe mirrors means that I can stumble around in there without too much of a hitch.

But I digress. The REAL reason i'm writing today isn't about to talk about typhoons or new word-makings-ups. I'm here to tell you a story about a boy, a girl, some overweight luggage, and a bribe.

Once upon a time, in an 8 hour flight place away, there lived a boy. This boy had luggage. Heavy luggage. Kiiiiiids, can you spell heavy?

H-E-A-V-Y

Good! You get a gold nugget...picture.

Now this boy had to fly far away to a place where dingos eat babies to finish studying in ordertomakemoneyandhaveagoodlifewithanicewifeandsomekidsthatdingosdon'teat. On the day of his departure, this boy was sent to the airport courtesy of a very lovely girl he's wanted to go out with in years. When the pair reach the airport, they make their way to the check-in line making light conversation. Once they get to the counter, the man behind it checks the luggage and declares in a whiny voice "This luggage is too heavy. We shan't (Ed: I used shan't to maintain the olde english fairy tale illusion. Are you bamboozled yet?) let it on because the plane can't fly unless you pay for the overweight luggage.". "Oh no!", thought the boy. "How much would it cost?", he asked. The man made some quick calculations and arrived at a number. A 4 digit number. The boy looked at the girl and said "No problem!" (and instantly regretted it). Now, bless the girl because she started to bargain with the man. After a few minutes, he leaned forward and asked in a hushed tone "Well, there is another way....but I can't give you a reciept".

Several minutes later, i'm handing some cash over to some stooge in the toilet. Now. I did a bad thing. By bribing the corrupt snotball and his crony, I encouraged unethical behaviour. Shame on me, but i'll get over that. What's really sad is that both the man and his friend were Malays. Not just Malaysians, but FREAKING MALAYS. Is this what we've come to? Me coughing blood and them eagerly feasting on human effluence? I feel dirty. Like a cockroach in a sodirtyithasaradioactiveglow sock. Or maybe I just need a shower after a long flight ;p.

After that debacle I sat down and had some ice cream with the girl and had one of those awkward Hollywood 'i'm leaving on a jet plane so imma put my cards on the table, and if you're interested great but if you're not i'm going to be a wreck for approximately 3.7 days and there will be a cheesy montage' moments. Man. Compound sentences for the win! Anyway. The time came for when I had to go so we hugged and I went off into the sunset. Or passport control. My luggage arrived safe and sound in Sydney and although I bribed someone, I ended up saving a fair bit of money. Before I stode out of the airport I made a quick check of my belongings. It turns out that I did leave something behind.

I leave it to you to figure out what it was, and still is.