The sky is falling.

Well aren't we in a bit of a pickle. Back in the day I've written at some (minor) length about the state of my apartment block, its many terrible backpacker denizens and the problems I have with water leaking and the like in my own place. This story however, takes the already crusty icing on the heaping dung cake of my existence here and dumps a new fresh layer of poopy nougat on top. Seriously, its starting to become some kind of disgusting layer cake.

What's happened now you ask? Well a section of my roof, not content with merely leaking water on my expensive electronics has decided to simultaneously outdo itself and give up the ghost. It has collapsed. I'm serious. As I'm sitting here by the computer, a decorative piece of roof is right next to me, having been wedged behind my AV cabinet and the wall. I am at a loss to describe the sheer annoyance of this. When I look at my nice, large screened monitor I want to ONLY see said monitor. Not a piece of masonry that would have caved an elaborate floral pattern on my skull. There are a lot of ways I want to leave this life (most of them involving jets, bears or sharks) and this is not it.


See? Its like its trying to spear my head or something. Or break through the other wall and escape to the street. Well the joke's on you buddy. The only place you're going is back up. And I will hot glue,epoxy, nail and otherwise molecularly bond you back where you belong. You hear me? GET BACK UP THERE!

We now return to our (never) regularly scheduled programming.

Dear Blog,

How I've missed you. I see that in my absence a number of strange rodent-like commenters have taken to nesting in your nooks and crannies. They promise readers free iPads, viagra, guaranteed weightloss and a myriad of other mind numbing devilry. I apologise. I shouldn't have left you alone for so long. I promise that I will hunt them down and make them suffer. Or at least clean up and make sure no traces of their evil is left behind.

So why am I back you ask? Well truth be told, I was never far away. I've often gazed lovingly at you through a rose-tinted high powered telescope from near earth orbit. From time to time I've even walked through your rich, mahogany scented hallways marveling in your elegant simplicity. I return for a number of reasons but chief among them is something very ordinary. I've missed writing, and I've missed you. Do forgive me for being away. For being ever faithful in the face of abandonment, I intend to spruce you up with new skills I have learned in the wild (and in space).

Your interface will be updated, your archives carefully set aside, and my posts will even be categorised and tagged. All this, and more await you my technological wonder of a diary. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be the talk of the town. The jewel on the crown of Poseidon. The feather on the fish.

I can't promise you that there won't be times when I might appear to be distant. The days and weeks may stretch on but know that you are very dear to me old friend. You have provided me with the means to empty the contents of my head. And for that, I will always be grateful.

I'm back.
The Nefarious Nightclub is open for business.

And boy do I have stories to tell you.

Semper fi,
Me.