I do

There's an almost magical feeling you get when you watch someone tie the knot. You know the feeling. The hope that the newlyweds will beat the odds and be one of those fairy tale couples you keep hearing about but never really see.

Today, I was privileged enough to witness Alan, who happens to be my mother's business partner, and Kylie get married. The simple but heartfelt ceremony took place on a boat with the gorgeous Sydney Harbor Bridge as an eye catching backdrop. The weather was behaving and it was a glorious sunset. It would seem that the union is truly blessed. On this post I would like to near-immortalize my best wishes for the happy couple and sincerely hope that life brings them nothing they can't overcome as a pair. Not to mention all that other stuff like happiness, joy and good tax returns.

As we continued to cruise back and forth in the numerous bays in the area, I found myself in relative solitude on the cold, wind upper deck (from which most people had previously retreated from once the sun had set and the temperature drop a few notches). I put the noise and the dancing people behind me while I spent time gazing out across the water and watching seagulls circle the ship, no doubt eager for a morsel or two. After a while I realized that while my gaze continued to stretch across the scenery, my attention had long turned inward into myself. For a normally social person, I dislike crowds and loud music. In parties I would more often than not find a relatively quiet spot and just...be. I would watch people enjoy themselves and sometimes wonder why I never quite fit in. Not that i'd even want to sometimes. Still, it makes me wonder. Here I am, standing apart from totally likeable people, wishing someone would join me in self imposed exile.

I pushed my thoughts away from such a depressing and nonsensical line of thinking and thought about my current situation in life. My studies, my nonexistant employment, my almost-but-not-quite relationship (which I still can't say for sure). I seem to be at a crossroads. On the one hand, the life I know and am quite comfortable with is very nearly at an end. On the other hand stretches that black, gaping chasm of the unknown. What I would give for a guiding light. Or a map. And as it turns out, guidance found me.

In an odd and decidedly atypical moment of clarity, I felt as if my life was revealed to me. Every decision, every consequence, every mistake, smile, tear. Everything. Maybe it was the way the light reflected over the water, or the way the sea churns and pulses like a living being. Maybe it was the way the seagulls, a ghostly blue-gray in the darkness circle the vessel with such grace and dignity that it made me feel like I was the animal. Either way, something triggered my most recent epiphany. The feeling is defying my attempts to put into words.

And the lesson I learned is simple really. What it is, I cannot say for the moment.

The funny thing is, I wasn't the only person staring off into the distance. Several other people were also lost in the moment. I can only hope they find the answers they were looking for.

They say no man is an island.
Tonight I know for certain that they're wrong.