Finish line

Its finally come down to it. My final fortnight of being a uni student. I guess I should start screaming in panic.

The prospect of graduation never felt truly real to me up until this point. Don't get me wrong, i've always known that I would graduate. Its just that it only felt like the logical albeit distant conclusion of this chapter in my life. Like the concept of tomorrow, or planning a trip, or simply whats over the horizon.

Now that its here I don't quite know how to feel about it. Its graduation season at UTS at the moment, and for the past two weeks i've seen proud parents and friends of people snapping pictures of their loved ones all dressed up in that silly robe and hat. It made me feel...jealous I guess. But mostly just happy that's not me. And I wonder why. I want to graduate. I want to get on with my life. I want to get that job, make that money, go to those places. I want to feel miserable with my workload, and I want to be happy at knowing that i've done my job well.

So why the ambivalence? I've asked myself this question a lot these past few days. I think at the end of the day, there are changes that have take place in myself before i'll be truly ready for the next step in my life. I'm at the threshold.

The only thing thats holding me back is the fact that i'm not ready to say goodbye to the parts of me I have to lose just yet. Or maybe i'm just taking too cynical a view.

I don't have to change.